Communication Debacle in Germany

I’ve traveled enough to know that when you arrive in a new country it takes time to adjust to the culture; the food, the language and the customs. Often time, it takes a few days to learn how to communicate cross-culturally, however, on my first day in Germany, there would be no adjustment period, just a lot of really embarrassing, really awkward moments. I know I am to blame, because I don’t speak a lick of German, and if I did, I never would have found myself in this situation. Therefore, you have my permission to read the following story and have a hearty laugh at my expense.

Three flights and sixteen hours later, I arrive in Stuttgart Germany only to realize the man picking me up is nowhere to be found. So there I am, in a strange new city, I don’t speak the language, I’m almost certain my phone won’t work, and I have no idea who I am looking for other than a man named Klaus, to which there are probably hundreds of Klaus’s throughout Germany. I pull out my trusty iphone, which in theory was made to work oversees, and much to my surprise- it does! (Sorry Pete, not sure how much that bill will cost us later). I reach Klaus, who I learn, hardly speaks any English nor does the rest of the family, yet I will be staying at their house over the course of the next few days. We arrive at their flat, where I am given a tour and learn my toilet is down two flights of stairs and my shower, three flights. I then stumble to my room out of pure exhaustion from all the travel (and NO sleep) and manage to get a short four hour nap before having to wake up and speak at a church, which is nearly an hour away. I wake up late, and have no time to shower, so I throw on some jeans and a hat and run out the door, having not eaten in over ten hours. Once Klaus and I pull up to the church, we are greeted by the pastor who is unaware of the fact that I will be speaking at his church. He kept asking, “You speak here?” I kept saying, “I think so, I don’t know.” - AWKWARD! Well, it turns out, that I actually wasn’t supposed to speak there, but at a nearby church, so I walk down the hill where they are waiting for me. I can only imagine what I looked liked at this point, probably much like someone who had been run over by a train. Nonetheless, I finish speaking at nearly 10:30pm and we get in the car to drive home. Or so I thought. I fall asleep on the drive back, and wake up at 11:30pm in a parking lot, just outside of a wedding reception. Yeah that’s right, you didn’t misunderstand, A WEDDING RECEPTION! I knew Klaus and his wife, Doris went to a wedding at 1pm that day, but I was unaware that it was still in progress and that I was about to be a guest!! I look inside the beautiful reception hall and see everyone dressed in their finest clothes. Most, look young, similar to me. Klaus tells me that these people are all very rich, because they work at the Porsche headquarters just down the road. AWKWARD!! Yet, he assures me of two things, 1-we won’t stay long and 2- that I am dressed appropriately for the reception. My thoughts were only of finding some hole to crawl into and hide because I felt so embarrassed and out of place. We enter the doors near the desert table, where the wedding party is taking pictures. So naturally everyone looks in our direction as we walk in. We step over the bride’s dress and towards the table full of people! I approach, but I am not introduced immediately, instead Klause and Doris usher me into the kitchen so I can make a plate of food, even though the rest of the guests had eaten hours before. The kitchen staff is cleaning up and all the food is put away. Klaus and I make a plate and take it back to the table full of people who want to know who I am and what I am doing there! Soon, I have at least twelve people crowding around me to hear my “Columbine Story.” I try to share as quickly and as quietly as possible, so as not to draw any undue attention in my direction. Klaus and Doris then take me to meet the bride and groom! AWKWARD!! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I was desperately wishing I had a friend there to share this incredibly awkward moment with me.

All I can say is that I am glad day one is over!